Mystery Weekend 2016 Coroner’s Report


Submitted by:  Dr. Gus Gruesome, City Coroner

Date:  February 27, 2016

Regarding:  The unattended death of Sir Laurence Burton, a British citizen and resident of Freeland, WA

At 7AM on Friday February 26th, the body of a man was discovered by Dr. Hagetha Kisstea in McLeod alley near its intersection with First Street in Langley.  Dr. Kisstea checked for a pulse.  Finding none, she was about to call 911 when her cousin, I.B. Fuzz arrived on the scene.  Detective Fuzz agreed with Dr. Kisstea’s identification of the body as that of Sir Laurence Burton. Fuzz offered to secure the crime scene while Hagetha went to alert the police officer on duty at City Hall.

By 7:15 Officer Trainee Polly Graph and I.B. Fuzz had strung police tape around the scene. Officer Graph then told Hagetha Kisstea she could go after her hound, Baskerville, but that she would need to return later for questioning.  Graph then called the Langley Coroner’s Office.

Coroner Gus Gruesome,   that’s me,    and my assistant and driver Gussy Gruesome,   arrived on the scene at 7:30 AM.   After I verified that Sir Laurence was indeed deceased, Gussy Gruesome photographed the crime scene and Officer Graph started bagging evidence, under my supervision.

I gave Detective Fuzz time to examine the scene.  Then, at 8AM,   I asked Gussy Gruesome to remove the body to the Langley City Morgue on Dead Goat Road.

With the assistance of Detective Fuzz and Officer Graph, I then set about cataloguing the crime scene.  Officer Graph noted shoe and boot prints in blood on the dirt of the alley and took her own measured photos. She said that the sole patterns and sizes suggested two different sets of shoes.

I.B. Fuzz found an odd looking knife near the location of the body. Though it had no visible blood on it, Officer Graph bagged it for fingerprints.

Within the pool of blood was a set of keys, an opened letter addressed to the victim in care of the Island Shakespeare Festival, a wool scarf, and a large carrot which looked as if it had been nibbled by one of Langley’s abundant bunnies.

At that point I.B. told me that she had all the information she needed from the crime scene and she would like to go with me to the morgue to examine the body. We left the scene in the care of Langley Police at 8:45AM.

At the morgue I made a preliminary examination of the body and found it to be that of a relatively healthy man in his late fifties, measuring 72 inches tall and weighing 180 pounds with graying brown hair and blue eyes.

The victim was wearing gray slacks, black dress shoes, a gray Harris Tweed jacket with blood soaking the back, a red bow tie, and a white shirt with a large blood stain in the area of the heart. The blood stain also contained flecks of a red and orange material. A gold Omega watch was on his wrist and his pockets contained a wallet, a gold ring which looked like a wedding band, and a cell phone with a cracked face.

Examination of the cell phone revealed phone calls made Thursday evening from Juliet Romero, Gustaf Hausen, and Joe Curr. These names were called into Langley Police for future interviews.

I took blood and tissue samples and sent them to Coupeville Scientific Investigations for analysis.  I also sent the strange looking knife hoping for clear fingerprints.  C.S.I. has promised to have the lab results back by Sunday.

Detective Fuzz left the Coroner’s office at 2:30PM Friday afternoon. She said she wanted to brief and deploy her “operatives” to investigate the crime.

At this point the Coroner’s Office has done all they can until the full autopsy is performed and the lab results and fingerprint identifications come back from Coupeville Scientific Investigations on Sunday.

I will be conducting a full autopsy on the body Sunday afternoon.

All information will be released to the Langley Police and Consulting Detective I.B. Fuzz who is continuing her investigation.

Detective Fuzz hopes to be able to wrap up her investigation before Sunday February 28th at 5:00PM.  She will announce her findings at the Langley Middle School Auditorium.

***This completes the Coroner’s Report.***

Printed copies of this report are available at the Langley Visitor Center or the Langley Public Library since City Hall is closed until Monday.

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