Good evening. My name is Captain John Smith. I was the flying the Jolly Cargo on a mission to re-possess and re-locate Le Fondu Bouquet when the murder of Wolfram Würzburg occurred.

I have been in Langley for several murders, so I knew Mayor de Fax would contact Texas Ranger Chase Ketchum and that he would need my Captain’s Log covering the incident.

When I delivered my log to the mayor, things went sideways. Mayor Josh had just found out that Ranger Ketchum had been assigned to a multiple murder elsewhere, and so, as Skipper of the Jolly Cargo, she assigned ME! to find the killer. Fortunately, Ranger Ketchum offered to consult via zoom as needed.

I admit I was flummoxed but I knew the Trench Coat Detectives are some of the best around, and the local semi-professional sleuths who are in town every February are world-renowned.

For the past two days I’ve worked with Todd Moler, Delilah Sulkey, Bertrand Scuttles, Clarice Darling, Colombo Santiago, Herbie and Boz. We have compared notes and we’ve all agreed on the conclusions.

Let me take you step by step.

When I reported the mayor’s assignment to my boss, Admiral Killdevil, he reminded me that I am representing his enterprise, and if it turns out one of our own is the guilty party, I should not hesitate in pointing them out so that both legal and Pirate justice can be done.

Public killings by Pirates are bad for business and he asked me to start the investigation by looking at his staff.

Once I scrutinized the facts, I realized that most of us flyers had no business with the victim, and no motive to make him walk the plank, as they say. My crew and I were aboard the Jolly Cargo, and Captain Skywake and his crew were at the Zeppelin works out on Saratoga getting the Princess Pollyana ready for the Tahiti run, so they are all accounted for, and could not be guilty.

Also, Admiral Killdevil and Vice-Admiral Horabull do not fly, although zoom-qualified. They were both at the library with Mister Lux discussing future Whale Watching by Zeppelin tours at the time of the murder, so they are not guilty.

Captain Cashon d’Barlhed and Mysty Fairhaven would both be happy to throw a scallywag overboard if the situation warranted it, but both were seen getting people out of Le Fondue before it took flight and are in the Gazette picture of the scene of the crime, so they are accounted for and not guilty.

As an employee of the city, Horace Scope proved a little less than resourceful in solving this investigation, although quite eager to please. He seemed more interested in solving the supposed ‘haunting’ of Mike’s Place and telling people their ‘fortunes’ than using his psychic abilities to point out the killer. Finding a typewriter in his office that seemed to match one that could have typed the note found next to Wolfram’s body made me suspect him, but his office is open to the public, and anyone could have access to it. He didn’t have a motive, plus, he is also in the photo (you can’t miss him) of the murder. He couldn’t be the killer.

Mayor de Fax has been mayor for many years, has seen many murders, and likes her job. She may have wanted the restaurant shut down, but that is as far as she wanted to go. She was also in the restaurant, and rushed out with the others, at time of the murderous incident. She is the mayor, and not a killer.

Ray Lux had been annoyed with Wolfram for some time. Ray was carrying Wolf’s loan (at usury rates) and was sick of Wolf’s disgusting cheeses and constant begging for mercy. When Admiral Killdevil informed him that Sandy Francisco and Tony Esquire could pay off the loan in full, he was delighted. It turns out Ray has a soft spot for young love and improbable business ventures, so he instructed d’Barlhead to either get full payment from Würzburg or accept Sandy and Tony’s cash and deliver the building to them.

Ray Lux enjoys making killings in business, not life. Besides, as the detectives confirmed, he was in the back of The Commons with Killdevil and Horabull trying to buy himself into the upcoming Whale Watching by Zeppelin Tours. He is not our killer.

Gusty Swank has a passion to see Langley owned and run by Locals Only, and she has the deep pockets of Natty Cummerbund to help her buy up shops and business owned by Mainlanders, who are persuaded to sell. Our investigation into the murder of Herr Würzburg resulted in our detectives discovering Gusty with her hand in the cookie jar by employing Tony Esquire to help her ‘haunt’ Mike’s Place. She and Natty were also using their influence in the local gourmet club to get Herr Würzburg’s restaurant closed. Both wanted him gone but were in Le Fondue just before the murder and are seen in the picture of the crime scene, so are not killers.

As we have seen, Sandy and Tony are both hard-working young Entrepreneurs. They’ve been slinging whisky and performing sometimes questionable odd jobs around town to earn the money they need to expand their dream business. They aren’t killers but Wurzburg’s financial problems made it possible for them to get a good building at a great price and it’s nice to see nice people getting ahead… They were seen outside Le Fondue and could not have killed Wolf.

Finnan is by nature a gentle soul, as good fish squeezers need to be. He is also loyal to those who respect his craft, as Victoria does. We know that Finnan had been in Wish-By-The-Sea, when Wolfram was begging Cashon for more time and then swore he would lock himself in the restaurant if they tried to carry it away.

The detectives have confirmed that Finnan had told VICTORIA of Wolfram’s intentions however they also found that Finnan was busy supervising the fish squeezing activities at Victoria’s cannery at the time of the murder, so could not be the killer.

Petit was furious over her husband tapping into her family trust fund to try and keep the restaurant open, and as a member of the Klick-Club, could have easily overpowered him and pushed him out of the restaurant to his demise, then zoomed away. But Petit was on the ground in town with Calabria trying to sell their stock of wines and cheeses to recoup some of the losses, and so was not the killer.

Calabria was furious as she saw her status as a world-class sommelier being discredited for good as her boss continued to refuse her recommendations for fine wines to accompany the many dishes their restaurant continued to churn out. She may have been furious with Wolfram, and a member of the Klik-Club, and could have easily pushed him out of this restaurant to his demise, according to the detectives, however as I said Calabria and Petit were soliciting local businesses and setting up for a wine and cheese sale knowing that they had lost the restaurant. She is not the killer.

Antoinette was furious with her business partner over his inability to keep to a budget and risking all she had invested into their restaurant, and as a member of the Klik-Club she could have easily overpowered him and pushed him out of their restaurant to his demise. But, Antionette was on the ground, watching him assume Terminal Velocity, so was not the killer.

I was looking seriously at Victoria when I learned of her physically assaulting Wolfram earlier in the week at Greyhorse Mercantile and then found out she had overheard Petit berating him at South Whidbey Commons over not being able to pay the mortgage.

When the detectives told me that a Tarot reader from Kalypsos was at the restaurant on Friday and saw Victoria enter with her flying suit and move quickly to the back rooms, and that she sensed the aura of death emanating from Victoria I knew I had the answer.

Victoria had a motive: She hated Wolfram.

Wolfram was a prominent chef, and he spent years insulting her and her family roe in Europe, eventually driving her to immigrate to Whidbey Island. She found a new quality supplier, Finnan Haddle, and re-established her business even acquiring a contract with a fast-food giant. She felt confident in requesting that her caviar be incorporated in the Fondue Bouquet menu and was furious when Wolfram rejected her…AGAIN

She knew that in his arrogance he would follow through on his threat to stay in the restaurant, even as it was being carried aloft, and that she could take him in a shoving match out the front door, watch him fall to his demise, then escape in her flying suit.

Victoria Caviare is our killer.