Mystery Weekend 2023 – Breaking News from the Mysterious Langley Gazette
Mystery Weekend 2023
(Per-order tickets at VisitLangley.com/store)
Breaking News from the Mysterious Langley Gazette
The Langley Gazette will be presenting teasers for the next four months for the 2023 Mystery Weekend
to be held February 25-26, 2023. Here are the first three:
The South Whidbey High School Rocketeer Club Mentor Tara Tesla is
proud to announce that they have been chosen to work with Texas Animal
and Rocketry University Orbital Guidance Center here in Langley once
“This is very exciting for our Club,” Tera told the Gazette, “With one
of our top graduates now at Texas A&R our members are anxious to help
on the orbit corrections again.” The next launch is scheduled for 24
February 2023 and will again involve the delivery of live animals to a
location overseas. The animals to be launched will be a dozen miniature
Longhorn Cattle-Sheep hybrids genetically modified to survive in very cold
“We are proud to be a part of the Cosmocattle Program,” Tera
Famous Professor Has Langley Roots
Professor Sally Mustang, Langley High School Class of 2001, heads
the Bio-Miniaturization Department at Texas Animal and Rocketry
University. She is also co-chair of the University’s cutting edge ‘Orbital
Animal Delivery Project’ in cooperation with the Texas A&R Rocketry
Department. According to the OAD Project Director, Doctor Arian Falcon,
“There would be no OAD Project without Professor Mustang. She is quite
quiet and unassuming at staff meetings but a brilliant dynamo in her
laboratory. Our delivery by rocket of her miniaturized hybrid Longhorn
cattle, or Cosmocattle, last year gave humanitarian meaning to our
Werner von Tanner, Langley High School Class of 2021, oversees the
Rocketry Department’s work for the OAD Project because of the
revolutionary delivery system he developed whilst in the Rocketeer Club at
LHS and this has motivated Doctor Falcon to visit Langley in February,
2023. Doctor Falcon told the Gazette, “I am quite anxious to visit Langley
and see the City that gave me both Professor Mustang and my eager
young protégé Werner von Tanner.”
Local Hostels Hostile to Volatile Visitors
Langley Innkeepers are nervous about renting rooms to representatives of The United Islands of the Kithless Archipelago. Known as the “Pirate scourge of the South Indian Ocean,” the UIKA will be sending
a delegation to Langley in February to make their case that the next shipment of ‘Cosmocattle’ from Texas A&R University should be delivered to them rather than the Grand Duchy of Freedomskia who received last
years rocket full of miniature cattle.
The rulers of Freedomskia adamantly disagree with the UIKA and are sending a delegation to Langley to defend their claim to the tiny Longhorn/Sheep hybrids.
Langley Innkeeper Roman Border told the Gazette, “I’m worried about these UIKA pirates, er, Delegates, staying in Langley with perhaps the Duke and Duchess of Freedomskia also in town. Even the Aussies,
who are not cowards, give Kithless Archipelago a wide berth. Langley doesn’t need the kind of trouble those wild Islanders might bring with them.”
Langley’s Mystery Weekend will be held February 25-26, 2023.
Beef Bidding Battle to Determine “Cosmocattle” Course
Texas A&R University has announced there will be an auction in Langley before the course correction is sent to the Cosmocattle Rocket to determine where it will be sent.
Doctor Ariane Falcone, Orbital Animal Delivery System Project Director and Werner von Tanner, a recent graduate of South Whidbey High School and the Rocketeer Club (and protege to Doctor Falcone) who is overseeing the Rocketry Department’s work on the project, will represent Texas A&R at the auction. The auction will take place once the herd has been shot around the world in stable orbit.
Meeting at the Langley gazebo on Second Street, representatives from the Grand Duchy of
Freedomskia and the United Islands of the Kithless Archipelago will bid on having the Cosmocattle capsule land in their territory.
“Werner and I feel this is the fairest way to determine where the Cosmocattle pod lands,” Doctor Falcone told The Gazette, “Our school is not funded by the government, so we can use the additional funds to help cover the costs of future launches.”
The Gazette has to wonder: “What could possible go wrong in Langley in February?”